Us: rock stars. We show up late (if at all), eat your food, drink your liquor, steal your girlfriend, and do any number of horrible drugs that may suddenly kill us. We’ll probably crash on your couch.

You: poindexter. You show up on time, have some weird obsession with bacon, drink Mountain Dew or coffee exclusively, and don’t even have a girlfriend for us to steal. You probably have no social skills, but you actually went to college, and maybe even graduated.

Let’s hook up.

Your duties will include: restocking the fridge, letting us crash on your couch, keeping promoters happy when we run late, playing all the licks we can’t play because we’re too “hopped up” on “goofballs,” maybe even producing our next record, and some light filing.